and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i now understand why vodka
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
