Ambien. No doubt about it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize