I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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