So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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