wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
