guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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