Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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