tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
