soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
