I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
