Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
