I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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