I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
