from now on my penis is your penis
we made out on top of his cat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
