VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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