There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
