I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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