i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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