The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
