your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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