Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
