She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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