that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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