...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
