I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
