just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
