there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
