I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
