when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ok first of all what the fuck
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
