Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
