After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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