Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
