yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
