Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
