My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
