He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
