Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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