Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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