the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
