Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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