Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
