He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
