so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
