checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
