Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
