It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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