So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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