batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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