she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
