Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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