you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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