i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
