True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
