oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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