No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
