We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
