If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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