it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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