this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
