They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
