Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
