so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
