I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize