In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
