if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
