Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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