ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
