just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
