HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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