he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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