just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
